Fathers & Education

There is overwhelming evidence that a parent's involvement in a child's education makes a very positive difference. In the past, often an unstated assumption was made that parent involvement meant mothers involvement. Research shows that the involvement of fathers, however, no matter their income or cultural background, can play a critical role in their children's education.

Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. A number of studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities. Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness. They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers.

The influence of a father's involvement on academic achievement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. Numerous studies find that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement among adolescents.

Our Father in Heaven has placed the eternal destiny of children in the hands of parents, but more particularly on the shoulders of the father, the patriarch of the family. That responsibility cannot be delegated!

Communication in the Family

The better family members can communicate with each other, the better they can deal with hard times and difficult decisions.

Families working together bring more strength to dealing with a problem than its members, as individuals, could ever hope to. Just knowing that other family members are sharing in the problem makes it easier to bear.

The more family members are involved in making a decision—the more perspectives and ideas are shared—the better a decision is likely to result. That’s if family communications are working well. If not, family discussions about matters already heavy with emotion and tension can make difficult decisions almost impossible.

Families usually have shared verbal and non-verbal “shorthand” in conversations. Sometimes this shorthand can help communication, and sometimes it can get in the way. Speakers and the listeners alike can use special skills to make communication clearer and more effective. Two of those skills are active listening and two-way communication, which can draw more information out of speakers and convey more to listeners. Still other skills are important for communicating with relatives whose sight or hearing is impaired.

Elder Asthon said, “If we would know true love and understanding one for another, we must realize that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally. “Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.” (James 3:13.)”

Sometimes the difficulty to communicate between our own families makes us make some mistakes that we will later regret. For example, a mom could yell at her child because he “broke” the lamp even before asking him about it. However, he didn’t but the dog did. Nobody taught our parents how to be parents. Because of this, we should be always able to forgive. Forgiveness is a great part of the Plan of Salvation. If Jesus is always forgiving us for our mistakes, who are we to don’t forgive for these miscommunications?

Family crisis

“Crisis or transition of any kind reminds us of what matters most. In the routine of life, we often take our families—our parents and children and siblings—for granted. But in times of danger and need and change, there is no question that what we care about most is our families!”

Elder M. Ruseell Ballard

When any family member is facing a crisis, the tension usually spreads to everyone else in the family. One of the biggest mistakes parents make when facing a crisis is not being open and honest about it with their children. Often parents try to keep the problem from their children because they don't want them to worry.

"If you're not open with your children and then they find out anyway, it makes them feel like you don't trust them and that they're not a vital part of the family."

No one wants to talk about unpleasant situations or share bad news, yet sometimes doing so is a necessary part of parenting. For example, being honest and open, let children express their opinions and assumptions, encourage questions, and provide hope.

Challenges and crisis in life are not easy to overcome. Through the Spirits's guidance and comfort, I know that this crisis will later turn out to be memories of bad times being overcome by even better ones that made the family even stronger than before. The little things in life we'll make for others, are the things that keep us close. 

Teaching about Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is an important element of married love, but more is required to achieve a pure love.

President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “Your love, like a flower, must be nourished. There will come a great love and interdependence between you, for your love is a divine one. It is deep, inclusive, comprehensive. It is not like that association of the world which is misnamed love, but which is mostly physical attraction. When marriage is based on this only, the parties soon tire of each other. There is a break and a divorce, and a new, fresher physical attraction comes with another marriage which in turn may last only until it, too, becomes stale. The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but spiritual attraction as well. It is faith and confidence in, and understanding of, one another. It is a total partnership. It is companionship with common ideals and standards. It is unselfishness toward and sacrifice for one another. It is cleanliness of thought and action and faith in God and his program. It is parenthood in mortality ever looking toward godhood and creationship, and parenthood of spirits. It is vast, all-inclusive, and limitless. This kind of love never tires or wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity”

 President Kimball also explained, “The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains. The Lord could have organized it otherwise but chose to have a unit with responsibility and purposeful associations”

Our ultimate goal within our family should be to prepare our sons and daughters to be worthy of the great blessings the Lord has promised them if they are true and faithful. One of the greatest responsibilities a person ever takes upon himself is that of preparing a child for these eternal possibilities.

There are many things we can do, of course, but there are three very important ideas that relate particularly to giving your children an eternal understanding of the role of human intimacy:

1. Teach your children what a righteous parent is, by example and precept.
2. Teach your children the roles that God has ordained for men and women to fill in this life and throughout eternity.
3. Teach your children to use their procreative powers in the way God has commanded so that they can establish righteous families here and be worthy to lead families in eternity

Obeying the Lord’s counsel on intimacy helps us have a happy marriage.

Transitions in Marriage 

All healthy marriages experience change and transition. That’s what keeps them alive and growing. Some of the stages of growth are predictable, others are not.

During the honeymoon stage, couples are swept up in the excitement and romance of their relationship.  Differences seem relatively unimportant (and can even be exciting), as they focus on discovering each other and sharing life together. However, as the reality comes, couples learn more about themselves and each other in situations they haven’t faced together before.  Some of what they encounter may not be congruent with their pre-existing assumptions and expectations and may be conflictual. Once married, there is a lot more to disagree about than during dating or even living together. This unfortunately leads to the researchers conclusion that because of challenging nature of this normal stage, the first two years of marriage have the highest risk of affairs and divorce. In addition, the arrival of children is a particularly critical 'new reality' transition for marriages. Kids transform the focus of a family and can dramatically increase the stress level. There is simply so much more work, distraction, time pressure and potential conflict inherent in childrearing. It's so important to have marriage preparation before the wedding or immediately after, before the more demanding marriage phases begin. Children are God’s greatest creation and because of it, the Lord will never give us a trial of which we aren’t able to overcome. Children enrich our lives even if we are not completely ready to have them. If we are always close to God, He will lead us to be the best we can be.

As time pass, couples work to renew their relationship on a down-to-earth basis by learning about their needs and managing their differences and areas of conflict. Eventually, couples will enjoy the benefits of a marriage that satisfies their needs and provides mutual support.  This leads to more profound intimacy over the years as the couple shares the experience of ups and downs.