All healthy marriages experience change and transition.
That’s what keeps them alive and growing. Some of the stages of growth are
predictable, others are not.
During the honeymoon stage, couples are swept up in the
excitement and romance of their relationship. Differences seem relatively
unimportant (and can even be exciting), as they focus on discovering each other
and sharing life together. However, as the reality comes, couples learn more
about themselves and each other in situations they haven’t faced together
before. Some of what they encounter may not be congruent with their
pre-existing assumptions and expectations and may be conflictual. Once married,
there is a lot more to disagree about than during dating or even living
together. This unfortunately leads to the researchers conclusion that because
of challenging nature of this normal stage, the first two years of marriage
have the highest risk of affairs and divorce. In addition, the arrival of
children is a particularly critical 'new reality' transition for marriages.
Kids transform the focus of a family and can dramatically increase the stress
level. There is simply so much more work, distraction, time pressure and
potential conflict inherent in childrearing. It's so important to have marriage
preparation before the wedding or immediately after, before the more demanding
marriage phases begin. Children are God’s greatest creation and because of it,
the Lord will never give us a trial of which we aren’t able to overcome. Children
enrich our lives even if we are not completely ready to have them. If we are
always close to God, He will lead us to be the best we can be.
As time pass, couples work to renew their relationship
on a down-to-earth basis by learning about their needs and managing their
differences and areas of conflict. Eventually, couples will enjoy the benefits
of a marriage that satisfies their needs and provides mutual support.
This leads to more profound intimacy over the years as the couple shares the
experience of ups and downs.
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