The Family

Most married couples develop a shared understanding of who does what in their relationship. It is a sometimes unspoken recognition of an inevitable division of labor and responsibilities. I came to the conclusion that the “perfect and most accurate” plan for marriage is an equal sharing of chores and other duties.  Family is not just an institution of many people living together under one roof; but the union of similar minded or mutually loving people bound with certain duties and responsibilities. God deliberately designed the gender role structure and later the initial social setups to help the people accept and realize the specific duties each gender bound to. The divine role of the mother is dedicating enough time for the kids, plus the entire process of childcare and development. The father has to provide with temporal and spiritual essential “supplies.” But modern lifestyle makes both the parents busy working for the family and earning the amount to meet the demands of life. Kids many a times are left with caretakers or paid nannies. Such lifestyles affect the families badly as children may grow unaffectionate to the parents. It is quite difficult for any parent to balance between the modern lifestyle and parenting or homemaker tasks. Kids need to be trained to cop up with the family roles. This will help them to be more understanding and affectionate to parents.

Living peacefully in a family isn’t always easy, but in God’s restored Church, marriage and families is the most important social unit now and in eternity. The effort we put into strengthening our families is the hardest and most significant work any of us will do on earth. No matter how hard we try, our marriage and home won’t be perfect. But if we build them around Christ’s principles including faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work and wholesome fun, home can be a place of refuge, peace and immense joy.

 

Saving a Marriage
Some coupes have not done enough honest self-examination to find out why they want to divorce in the first place. I personally think that I would never want to take on something as monumental as a divorce unless I am going to change and grow from it. So it is encouraged to asks to themselves: "How did I get myself into this situation? Why did I pick this person to marry? What did I do to create terrible communication or anger or deadness?" Until they're willing to look at that, they'll just end one situation and pick up right where they left off in the next. Most marriages aren't black-and-white. Almost always, when things deteriorate, both people have contributed mightily to the demise.
For me, the best way a marriage could be save is through the remembrance of the love they had to each other. Loving is appreciating. Loving is enjoying. Loving is gratitude. Love is sharing personal thoughts. Love is admitting mistakes. Loving also involves giving out dollops of positive energy in every way by helping with housework, by hugging each other, by offering and receiving sexual attention, and by radiating positivity, playfulness and affection toward each other. The more loving energy spouses radiate, the more that others, will want to be around you. 

Good Parenting

In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Church leaders declared, “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”

Good parenting, while very challenging at times, offers great potential for happiness. Parents can experience great joy by building a strong, loving home environment and teaching gospel principles, which can help their children lead righteous, happy, and productive lives.

Why is one family strong, yet another family weak? The problems are infinitely complex. Yet, there are answers. Abundant evidence shows that the presence of a firm, loving father in the home is far more likely to produce responsible, law-abiding children than if the father is not there, or if he does not function as a father at home. In either case it throws a double burden on the mother.

Ways to enrich family life:

v Hold family prayer night and morning

v Study the scriptures.

v Teach children to work.

v Place a high priority on loyalty to each other.

v Teach principles of self-worth and self-reliance.

v Develop family traditions.

v Do everything in the spirit of love.

Some parents have difficulty expressing their love physically or vocally. However, they all have their own way of expressing their love. We as their children should be able to accept any kind of love they share with us and be as loving as they are with us and even more.

Fathers & Education

There is overwhelming evidence that a parent's involvement in a child's education makes a very positive difference. In the past, often an unstated assumption was made that parent involvement meant mothers involvement. Research shows that the involvement of fathers, however, no matter their income or cultural background, can play a critical role in their children's education.

Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. A number of studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities. Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness. They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers.

The influence of a father's involvement on academic achievement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. Numerous studies find that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement among adolescents.

Our Father in Heaven has placed the eternal destiny of children in the hands of parents, but more particularly on the shoulders of the father, the patriarch of the family. That responsibility cannot be delegated!

Communication in the Family

The better family members can communicate with each other, the better they can deal with hard times and difficult decisions.

Families working together bring more strength to dealing with a problem than its members, as individuals, could ever hope to. Just knowing that other family members are sharing in the problem makes it easier to bear.

The more family members are involved in making a decision—the more perspectives and ideas are shared—the better a decision is likely to result. That’s if family communications are working well. If not, family discussions about matters already heavy with emotion and tension can make difficult decisions almost impossible.

Families usually have shared verbal and non-verbal “shorthand” in conversations. Sometimes this shorthand can help communication, and sometimes it can get in the way. Speakers and the listeners alike can use special skills to make communication clearer and more effective. Two of those skills are active listening and two-way communication, which can draw more information out of speakers and convey more to listeners. Still other skills are important for communicating with relatives whose sight or hearing is impaired.

Elder Asthon said, “If we would know true love and understanding one for another, we must realize that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally. “Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.” (James 3:13.)”

Sometimes the difficulty to communicate between our own families makes us make some mistakes that we will later regret. For example, a mom could yell at her child because he “broke” the lamp even before asking him about it. However, he didn’t but the dog did. Nobody taught our parents how to be parents. Because of this, we should be always able to forgive. Forgiveness is a great part of the Plan of Salvation. If Jesus is always forgiving us for our mistakes, who are we to don’t forgive for these miscommunications?

Family crisis

“Crisis or transition of any kind reminds us of what matters most. In the routine of life, we often take our families—our parents and children and siblings—for granted. But in times of danger and need and change, there is no question that what we care about most is our families!”

Elder M. Ruseell Ballard

When any family member is facing a crisis, the tension usually spreads to everyone else in the family. One of the biggest mistakes parents make when facing a crisis is not being open and honest about it with their children. Often parents try to keep the problem from their children because they don't want them to worry.

"If you're not open with your children and then they find out anyway, it makes them feel like you don't trust them and that they're not a vital part of the family."

No one wants to talk about unpleasant situations or share bad news, yet sometimes doing so is a necessary part of parenting. For example, being honest and open, let children express their opinions and assumptions, encourage questions, and provide hope.

Challenges and crisis in life are not easy to overcome. Through the Spirits's guidance and comfort, I know that this crisis will later turn out to be memories of bad times being overcome by even better ones that made the family even stronger than before. The little things in life we'll make for others, are the things that keep us close. 

Teaching about Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is an important element of married love, but more is required to achieve a pure love.

President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “Your love, like a flower, must be nourished. There will come a great love and interdependence between you, for your love is a divine one. It is deep, inclusive, comprehensive. It is not like that association of the world which is misnamed love, but which is mostly physical attraction. When marriage is based on this only, the parties soon tire of each other. There is a break and a divorce, and a new, fresher physical attraction comes with another marriage which in turn may last only until it, too, becomes stale. The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but spiritual attraction as well. It is faith and confidence in, and understanding of, one another. It is a total partnership. It is companionship with common ideals and standards. It is unselfishness toward and sacrifice for one another. It is cleanliness of thought and action and faith in God and his program. It is parenthood in mortality ever looking toward godhood and creationship, and parenthood of spirits. It is vast, all-inclusive, and limitless. This kind of love never tires or wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity”

 President Kimball also explained, “The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains. The Lord could have organized it otherwise but chose to have a unit with responsibility and purposeful associations”

Our ultimate goal within our family should be to prepare our sons and daughters to be worthy of the great blessings the Lord has promised them if they are true and faithful. One of the greatest responsibilities a person ever takes upon himself is that of preparing a child for these eternal possibilities.

There are many things we can do, of course, but there are three very important ideas that relate particularly to giving your children an eternal understanding of the role of human intimacy:

1. Teach your children what a righteous parent is, by example and precept.
2. Teach your children the roles that God has ordained for men and women to fill in this life and throughout eternity.
3. Teach your children to use their procreative powers in the way God has commanded so that they can establish righteous families here and be worthy to lead families in eternity

Obeying the Lord’s counsel on intimacy helps us have a happy marriage.

Transitions in Marriage 

All healthy marriages experience change and transition. That’s what keeps them alive and growing. Some of the stages of growth are predictable, others are not.

During the honeymoon stage, couples are swept up in the excitement and romance of their relationship.  Differences seem relatively unimportant (and can even be exciting), as they focus on discovering each other and sharing life together. However, as the reality comes, couples learn more about themselves and each other in situations they haven’t faced together before.  Some of what they encounter may not be congruent with their pre-existing assumptions and expectations and may be conflictual. Once married, there is a lot more to disagree about than during dating or even living together. This unfortunately leads to the researchers conclusion that because of challenging nature of this normal stage, the first two years of marriage have the highest risk of affairs and divorce. In addition, the arrival of children is a particularly critical 'new reality' transition for marriages. Kids transform the focus of a family and can dramatically increase the stress level. There is simply so much more work, distraction, time pressure and potential conflict inherent in childrearing. It's so important to have marriage preparation before the wedding or immediately after, before the more demanding marriage phases begin. Children are God’s greatest creation and because of it, the Lord will never give us a trial of which we aren’t able to overcome. Children enrich our lives even if we are not completely ready to have them. If we are always close to God, He will lead us to be the best we can be.

As time pass, couples work to renew their relationship on a down-to-earth basis by learning about their needs and managing their differences and areas of conflict. Eventually, couples will enjoy the benefits of a marriage that satisfies their needs and provides mutual support.  This leads to more profound intimacy over the years as the couple shares the experience of ups and downs.

Dating & Eternal Marriage

Right marriage begins with right dating.

—Elder Spencer W. Kimball

The Lord has given us standards for dating so we can have greater happiness protection and success.  Standards are rules or guidelines given to help us measure our conduct. Why has the Lord given standards? He wants all his children to return to live with him one day. However, he knows that only those who are worthy will be able to live with him. Standards will help us know how well we are in preparing to live with our Father in Heaven again.

For the Strength of Youth teaches: “Choose to date only those who have high moral standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards. … Always be kind and respectful when you ask for a date or when you accept or decline one.”

What does he/she inspire in you … ?

“Remember that a young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to protect each other’s honor and virtue.” As you go on dates, make sure to do nothing of which you would ever be ashamed. As President Thomas S. Monson taught, “In dating, treat your date with respect, and expect your date to show that same respect for you.”

Proper dating is a part of the preparation for a temple marriage. Marriage is ordained of God, and is a sacred ceremony, and should receive the highest preparation and importance before they enter upon a contract that involves either happiness or misery for the rest of their lives.

The purpose of eternal marriage is to bear children and rear a family with whom we will be able to gain exaltation. Joseph Smith taught, “Except a man and his wife enter into an everlasting covenant and be married for eternity, … they will not have any children after the resurrection”

President Lorenzo Snow taught: “When two Latter-day Saints are united together in marriage, promises are made to them concerning their offspring that reach from eternity to eternity. They are promised that they shall have the power and the right to govern and control and administer salvation and exaltation and glory to their offspring, worlds without end."

What a great promise! If we are sealed for eternity and continue to live worthily, we will be families forever!!

The temple should be always in our sight, and we should strive to behave in a way that will get us in there sealed with our eternal companion forever. 

Gender Roles

"Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

—The Family: A Proclamation to the World

A gender role is a theoretical construct in the social sciences and humanities that refers to a set of social and behavioral norms that, within a specific culture, are widely considered to be socially appropriate for individuals of a specific sex. 

The Lord told Moses that after the creation of Adam, “I, the Lord God, said unto mine Only Begotten, that it was not good that the man should be alone; wherefore, I will make an help meet for him” (Moses 3:18). Then Eve was created, and Adam and Eve became husband and wife. This is the Lord’s way; it is His perfect order.

Julie B. Beck, Relief Society general president: “A plan of happiness given to us by our Father in Heaven has a part for His daughters. We have the female half to take care of, and if we don’t do our part, no one else is going to do it for us. The half of our Father’s plan that creates life, that nurtures souls, that promotes growth, that influences everything else was given to us. We can’t delegate it. We can’t pass it off to anyone. It’s ours. We can refuse it, we can deny it, but it’s still our part, and we’re accountable for it. There will come a day when we will all remember what we knew before we were born. We will remember that we fought in a great conflict for this privilege. How do we meet this responsibility? We daily put our energies into the work that is uniquely ours to do.

"The title father is sacred and eternal. It is significant that of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to Deity, he has asked us to address him as Father."

—Father, Consider Your Ways

We were all given a sacred body and we should preserve it, take care of it and fulfill the promises and covenant we made with God with it. He gave us a body so that we could bring more souls to this earth, to be able to control and dominate it in a way we are worshiping Him and He will bless us forever.

Roles in the Family

We discussed this week in class the Diversity in Families. Cultures, traditions, roles, race; are what make families different. However, in the end all families love each other in their own way.

The “Proclamation to the Family” talks about the roles male and female fulfill in a family. It might not be the same as the world says, but this is what God has said and we should be obedient. Paragraph 2: “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose

Because of this, all families have different goals, values and traditions in which they develop and learn how to interact with each other and others. For example, it is common in Mormon society that the mother is the one who raises the kids, feeds them, takes them to school, etc. This is what the First Presidency has always encouraged us, women, to do. This is also mentioned in the “Proclamation to the Family:” Paragraph 7: “…By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”

But in the world, families usually function totally different than in our society. I have been raised surrounded by non-members and the way the parents raise their kids, and fulfill their roles in their family is different. It is common that both of the parents work to keep having the economic status they have. The grandmother and/or the nanny are raising children. The outcomes between my siblings and me comparing to those kids were distinct. In my family there was more unity and confidence that is what our authorities challenge us always to have. On the hand, those kids were practically alone, independent and self-reliant. They did whatever they wanted, because their parents weren’t there to control them. Later, this lead to several consequences like alcohol, drugs and unwanted pregnancies.

I know that if we follow all the advices we had been given, we will be choosing the right. For some women it is hard to stay at home, but this is what we have come to earth. Being always there for our husbands and kids and if we do this, all our family and we will be eternally blessed.

Family unity is essential to fulfill the Plan of Salvation, and I know that if we follow all the advices we had been given, we will be choosing the right. For some women it is hard to stay at home, but this is what we have come to earth. Being always there for our husbands and kids and if we do this, all our family and we will be eternally blessed.

This video is so special and we should strive to do as they had said. Roles are important in a family and as longs as we fulfill our divine role our family will be safe. 

Love in the Family

In last week’s discussion, we talked about our own perceptions of family and how was our family like. Families are all different. They all have different rules that make them get along, they have different goals, and also each member of the family has a different role. In my family, my dad is the one who works to support financially our family. My mom stays at home and veils for us and raises the children. My sisters and me we just live. I go to college here and my sisters are still finishing school in Peru.  I personally love the relationship I have with my mom and my dad and I hope that someday I could have the same kind of relationship with my daughters. We all get along pretty well and when talking about family mapping, there is a just clear boundary between me and my sisters and my parents. I think that is a good thing and that we should all strive to be like that someday. What I think that makes us be like this is because we always put others first and then we think about ourselves.

Love is the principle that rules our house and family. If we don’t love each other, how could we be like Jesus? Jesus is the perfect example my parents had always taught us to be like. In D&C 124: 87 “Therefore, let my servant William put his trust in me, and cease to fear concerning his family, because of the sickness of the land. If ye love me, keep my commandments; and the sickness of the land shall redound to your glory.” Love in a family implies also living and keeping the commandments. When they all do it, they are highly and entirely blessed for it. Because we are all different, certain commandments may be harder to follow for one, and others to others. In a family, we should always support each other. If we see someone is having a hard time following Jesus, let us be the ones who bring them back to Christ. Let's all love one another!

Divorce: A Trend in American Society?

Nowadays, divorce rates have been much elevated in comparison to years before. More people quit from their marriage even before really trying to keep it and strength it. Divorce has become a harmful trend in American Society and it is hugely impacting on all of us. It's now more common that someone near us has been divorced. Divorce is an an option for those who desperately need it and who are truly suffering because of the neglect/abuse/infidelity of their spouse. But, should we just sit and watch this happen through our eyes or should we do something to avoid it happening to us? Elder Oaks in this video said that divorce was not the first option we should turn to when things are going bad. A person must first sit down and see if both are willing to repent and turn to the Lord. Only then can the marriage be saved, just one person can't carry a marriage.

Introduction

I first want to start this blog saying that I truly know that families are forever. The only way to get exaltation is trough being sealed in the temple and having an eternal family. I love my family. I have both of my parents together and three sisters who live in Trujillo, Peru. I miss them a lot while I am here attending school, however I know that all sacrifices are worth it. Getting a better education at BYU-I, really far from home, will later bless me to have a spiritual and well economically established family. I love learning about family and I will probably major in Marriage and Family. I want to share a beautiful and inspiring video that will help us remember the immense value our family has in our lives. 

This is a picture of me and my sisters :D I miss them so much!!